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27 March 2011 @ 04:23 pm
Title: Counting Electronic Sheep

Author: Corycides

Pairing: None

Rating: R

Warnings: Cursing, bad computer science, violence.

Summary:Completely random crossover with only the flimsiest of plots.

Disclaimer: Neither Nikita or Criminal Minds belong to me, nor do I understand anything about computer science so do not believe anything I type on that topic.

'About time.'

Birkoff took the coffee from the barista and skulked over to a table in the corner behind a big, green plastic plant. He sat at the tiny, wobbling table, drank his bad coffee and kept an eye on the door. She'd be here soon.

At eight pm sharp the bells over the door jangled and she blew into the shop on a gust of icy wind. She was dressed for the weather in fluffy boots and a fluffier coat, pink curls sticking out from under a faux-fur rabbit hat. The ears tied under her chin. She looked tired, but conjured up a smile for the barista.

'Coffee. Vanilla and hazelnut,' she said, drawing the shape of a cup in the air with her hands. 'Biggest one you have, Essie.'

The barista hadn't smiled at Birkoff like that. 'Long day, Penelope?'

'Oh, you know,' she shrugged, using her teeth to pull off her mittens. Her hands glittered with rings and her nails were painted frost white.

'Same old, same old. Oh, cupcakes. Are they fresh.'

'Five minutes,' Essie said. 'We're making up a fresh batch. I'll bring it over.'

'Thank you,' she said earnestly, pressing her hands together in front of her lips. 'You are good, coffee-doling out people, Essie.'

She shed her outerwear on the way to a table, revealing a fluffy blue sweater and fitted skirt over tights. Her hair was ridiculous, candy-pink curls. Amanda would not have approved.
'I like your boots,' Birkoff blurted out. 'Like you skinned a muppet.'
Oh, that was smooth. She blinked at him, pulling her glasses out of her pocket and sliding them onto her nose. Big blue eyes flickered over him warily, weighing him out. She wasn't a profiler, but she was smart enough not to trust everybody. Although she hadn't yet worked out that you couldn't trust anyone. She smiled.
'Really? I would have gone with yeti.' She lent forwards confidingly. 'More big-gamer huntery, you know.'
'Oh, don't be fooled,' he said. 'That Kermit could give you a nasty gumming.'
She giggled and stuck her hand out. 'Penelope Garcia.'
He shook it. 'Benedict Sawyer,' he lied.
Something about the name or the way he said didn't ring true, making her eyes flicker. Before she could think the feeling through, he hurried on. 'I just moved here, from Madison. It's a lot different.'
'It can take a while to get used to,' Penelope said. Sympathy quelled her suspicion and she shuffled her chair around to face him. 'What brings you here?'
He shoved a hand through his hair. 'Work. I'm a systems architect at the University. It's..ummm...'
Penelope's face lit up and she caught at his hand. 'Oh my God, are you working on the quantum processors?'
'I wish. I heard they were within a year of writing the design infrastructure to test it,' he said. 'Me? I get stuck working with wave scalar. Which was great, until you know someone down the hall is working on actual Space Odyssey technology down the hall.'
Penelope rolled her eyes. 'Oh, tell me about it. I tried to get a sneak peek last year, you know, and they sent someone round to have a firm word with me at work.'
It wasn't what he was after, but... 'Did you see anything.'
She glanced around suspiciously and then held up her hand, finger and thumb a hair apart. 'Tiny bit. So exciting.'
The barista came over with a cup of coffee and a blue-iced cupcake on a paper plate. She gave Birkoff a dirty look, like it was fault she made a production out of a simple manual task. 'Is he bothering you, Penelope?'
'Not at all,' she said, beaming. 'We're just talking shop. Thanks, Essie.'
The barista sniffed – obviously thinking Penelope was far too nice – and went back to the counter. Birkoff made a mental note to screw with her taxes later on and turned back to Penelope. They chatted for another twenty minutes and then Penelope glanced at her Minnie Mouse watch, sighed and said she had to go. She tugged on her hat, tucking her curls up into the rabbit.
'Good luck with your work, Benedict,' she said. 'Maybe I'll see you around again.'
Bundled up again she ventured back out into the storm. Birkoff got his phone out and keyed in Michael's number.
'I made contact,' he said.
'Good,' Michael grunted. 'Took you long enough. Did she suspect anything.'
Birkoff rolled his eyes and snorted. 'Do they ever?'
'She was on more watch lists than you, Birkoff,' Michael said. 'Don't underestimate her. Or the BAU. We do not want them to get involved in this until we're ready.'
He hung up. Birkoff dropped the phone back into his pocket and drank his coffee thoughtfully. More lists than him, that was interesting. She was interesting: Penelope Garcia. A woman he could have an actual conversation with who didn't scare him spitless (Amanda) or plan on killing him (Nikita). 
jyorraku.dreamwidth.orgjyorraku.dreamwidth.org on August 3rd, 2011 06:23 am (UTC)
I enjoyed this. I want to see Garcia pulling a fast one over Birkhoff and hack HIM.